Giving Away Control

(Short post, but it utilizes the moment of inspiration I got!)

I have had, as every other person, negative events in my life. They keep coming back and I keep wondering ‘Why am I keeping my attention on this?’. I wondered about this late at night, and I realized that what I really wanted was control.

I wanted to control the pattern, the individuals, the relationships. Yet this control was born out of fear of being ‘burned again’. By wanting to control this, it kept coming back. Things kept repeating themselves again and again and again, and every time the ‘why?’ question would come. By craving control, I also gave control over myself and my actions – the things that are rightfully mine – away.

With this realization, I became relieved, and I actually came to appreciate what had occurred. All the time I had spent crying and screaming ‘why?’ never gave me an answer. The answer came quietly and gently, like a summer breeze: “No. I don’t have to deal with this.”

At that moment, I realized I had grown. Those painful patterns had pulled me out of my comfort zone, made me walk on searing hot coals and then plunged me into ice cold water. Yet without these things, I would never be where I am today and that makes me really happy.

So, if a pattern shows up in your life, don’t despair and shake your fist to the sky, cursing the heavens. Because, in the end, you’re in control.

And it should be no other way.

Though, that’s easier said than done. Most of us aren’t good at controlling our emotional reactions, or recognizing negative patterns in our life. Either we blurt them out loud and yell at the other party or we repress them. When you try to rationalize things, your mind keeps saying “It’s his fault.” I will quote Carl Jung and say ‘what resists, persists’. You keep denying your involvement and affirming your saintliness. You keep bathing in the ice cold water…  naked.

Indeed, the act of giving away control gives us a free ticket to the Blame Game.

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5 responses to Giving Away Control


  1. Hi Sol,

    I believe that negative events in life are lessons that life wants us to learn. When we are able to change our actions and grow in wisdom, these negative events no longer have any power over us even if we face them again. But if we are unable to learn these lessons, we will keep on meeting these problems in different forms until we do. Yet each time we meet these problems, the price we pay is higher and higher. All we can do is to accept the lessons for our growth and embrace it. When we do, nothing can really disturb our composure.

    Thank you for sharing this lovely article! :)

    Irving the Vizier

    • Sol Vaadal

      Thank you for your comment, IV (it it OK that I call you that?)!

      Indeed, what you’re saying is correct and I agree with you! All we really CAN do is accept them or else they’ll return, as you wrote. Yet, when we give away our control over these things and start blaming others for what is happening… well, things will keep going bad! Though that, of course, isn’t really the main part of the article. Yup, I ended up learning the lesson after a long and hard road!

      I wish you a wonderful day!
      Sol

  2. Yeah, our lessons in life do not come easy. But we gain wisdom and experience in the process and that is what matters.

    Please call me Irving. My friends call me Irving. :)
    The Vizier recently posted..5 Factors That Hinder PreparationsMy Profile

  3. Joey

    That’s an interesting revelation!

    I did have similar experiences where I kept having the same thought repeat over and over. In the past I dealt with it by burying it with some other thought and assume it’ll just fade away over time.

    But what I am realizing is that issues that you need to focus are like creditors that will keep calling you unless you start paying up. The sooner you face the issues the better off you are.

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