(Short post, but it utilizes the moment of inspiration I got!)
I have had, as every other person, negative events in my life. They keep coming back and I keep wondering ‘Why am I keeping my attention on this?’. I wondered about this late at night, and I realized that what I really wanted was control.
I wanted to control the pattern, the individuals, the relationships. Yet this control was born out of fear of being ‘burned again’. By wanting to control this, it kept coming back. Things kept repeating themselves again and again and again, and every time the ‘why?’ question would come. By craving control, I also gave control over myself and my actions – the things that are rightfully mine – away.
With this realization, I became relieved, and I actually came to appreciate what had occurred. All the time I had spent crying and screaming ‘why?’ never gave me an answer. The answer came quietly and gently, like a summer breeze: “No. I don’t have to deal with this.”
At that moment, I realized I had grown. Those painful patterns had pulled me out of my comfort zone, made me walk on searing hot coals and then plunged me into ice cold water. Yet without these things, I would never be where I am today and that makes me really happy.
So, if a pattern shows up in your life, don’t despair and shake your fist to the sky, cursing the heavens. Because, in the end, you’re in control.
And it should be no other way.
Though, that’s easier said than done. Most of us aren’t good at controlling our emotional reactions, or recognizing negative patterns in our life. Either we blurt them out loud and yell at the other party or we repress them. When you try to rationalize things, your mind keeps saying “It’s his fault.” I will quote Carl Jung and say ‘what resists, persists’. You keep denying your involvement and affirming your saintliness. You keep bathing in the ice cold water… naked.
Indeed, the act of giving away control gives us a free ticket to the Blame Game.